Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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