Im at strip club and am horny
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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