he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Is it because I queefed?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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