Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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