I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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