His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
