can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
