I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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