Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
