i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
