Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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