If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
