Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
