i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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