bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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