I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
