I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
