4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
sarcasm needs its own font
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
