You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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