I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
