I need help removing her.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
