in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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