happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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