So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
