who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
