I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
