I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
