You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
