I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
