I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
