New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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