She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
