He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
