Need sex. Gaining weight.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
