I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
