Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
