First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
