if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
