My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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