dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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