I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
