just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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