if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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