Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
