I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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