How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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