I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
