Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
