Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
