why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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