so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
