Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
