There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
