I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
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Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
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We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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