I'm drive I can fine osifer
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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