Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
