tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
