we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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