guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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