eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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