i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
