My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
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Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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