Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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