We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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