What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I need moral support for this bender
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
