we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Acid is not a monday night drug
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Houston, we have a squirter
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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