Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
