he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
