...so i touched it.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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