my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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