my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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