To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
