I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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