Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
