I can text with my tongue
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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