I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Randomize
